


Christmas is Bullshit

by PatchHap



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Background Relationships, Christmas, Christmas Fluff, Christmas Party, M/M, Minor Character(s), Mistletoe, Office Party, office Christmas party
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-28
Updated: 2016-11-28
Packaged: 2018-09-02 21:12:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,963
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8683591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PatchHap/pseuds/PatchHap
Summary: Felix is happy not to celebrate the holidays, he's happy to stay home and not see his family, and he's definitely happy to be alone.Why does that all go down the drain the moment he kisses a boring coworker under the mistletoe at a boring office Christmas Party.





	

**Author's Note:**

> i haven't written anything in forever please forgive me

Early morning light drifted in through the window over the kitchen sink as he lifted the last sip of his coffee to his lips. His eyes slide over his small studio apartment, from his modest couch and recliner to his generously sized television, to his king sized bed, piled with blankets and pillows and a stuffed animal or two. The place felt cramped sometimes, but for the most part, it was homely and most importantly it was his.

 

He looked out the kitchen window again as he raised his coffee cup in the sink. The ugly green fire escape blocked most of the view of the city from here. Though ugly, it was the closest thing to a balcony he could get, some nights he sat out there on the steps and just stared out into the city, listened to the sound of cars, and trains, and sirens, and music or cartoons drifting from the open windows of neighbors. He wished he could bring a chair out there sometimes, but that was a safety hazard. One he would have ignored had it also not affected him.

 

He hadn’t been out in the last month or so, November had brought cold winds his small body was not built to endure, so he stayed inside when he could. Unfortunately, this morning he could not. The alarm on his phone blared, rudely reminding him that if he didn’t leave now he’d be late to work.

 

He pulled a jacket off his crowded coat rack, noting that most of them weren’t even his, rather friends who had left them or ex-boyfriends’ that he hung onto in case he needed a reason to visit. Most notably the leather jacket with a custom shark hood that hung near the end and fell somewhere between those categories. He pulled a scarf around his neck before pushing his way out into the hall.

 

“Yo! Felix!”

 

Felix turned around as Tucker sped up his step to catch up to him. Strapped to his back, bundled up against the warm weather, was his nine-month-old son. Felix only knew his age because Tucker had missed nine monthly card games in a row. He wouldn’t have missed him had it not been for his tendency to get drunk and bet away all his money on Uno. 

 

“I’m running late,” Felix said, slowing down a step for the other man.

 

“Can I borrow your car? I’ll drop you off at work first,” Tucker said. “Junior needs to go to the doctor’s, I think he has a cold.”

Felix bit his lip and pondered this for a moment. “No.”

“Come on, Dude!” the small black man protested. “If I walk he’ll get sicker!”

“I don’t have a car seat, Tucker, and besides, the way you drive that kid is guaranteed to throw up in my car,” Felix said, speeding up as he reached the elevator. “Call his mom, it would be about time she actually did something.” 

“She’s busy,” Tucker said, quiet enough that Felix knew he meant she hadn’t called in over a week. “Come on, man, it’s Christmas!”

“It is not! Thanksgiving was two days ago,” Felix told him. “Besides, I don’t celebrate.”

Tucker finally gave up when he saw Grif coming down the hall and chased after him, Felix could hear him bothering him for his car before the elevator door closed. Felix let out a deep breath. Dodged a bullet there, he thought .

 

The elevator dropped him off in the lobby two minutes later, stopping on every floor to pick up every other person in the entire building. Felix groaned and pushed past everyone else. He was small, but nobody was gonna force him to the back of the crowd. 

 

His entire body shivered when the doors opened out into the cold fall air. Or was it winter yet? Either way, it was cold this time of year in Armonia, and it would only get worse until spring.

 

He almost jumped out of his skin when he sat down on the cold leather driver’s seat and cursed under his breath as he cranked the heat up. He sat there, warming up, for several minutes longer than he should have given his time crunch, but he wasn’t going anywhere until he was warm enough to take off his jacket.

 

He pulled into the parking lot of the office he worked at twenty minutes late, but with Starbucks in hand. He figured if he was going to be late, buttering Kimball up with a cup of black coffee would keep her from raising her voice. 

 

“Felix!” she yelled before he could even deliver the bribe. He grumbled. “My office.”

 

Felix dropped his coat off on the back of his chair and Zach, the man with a desk adjacent to his, smirked at him. Felix shot him the bird before putting on his best smile and walking into his boss’s office. 

 

“Goood morning Miss. Kimball,” he said in a light and cheery tone, offering her the cup. She took the cup and took a long drink before sitting down and gesturing towards the seat opposite her desk. Felix leaned on the back with his arms folded rather than sit. “How is our fearless boss and head bitch in charge doing?” Felix purred, flashing her the same good-hearted smile he always did.

 

“Skip the smooth talk, Felix,” she growled, taking the lid off her coffee and mixing a few packs of artificial sweetener into it. The coffee was as black as her eyes, they glittered brown in the light in the same way and came across as dark and brooding, no matter how sweet they could be. “You’re the last one in the door, So it’s up to you to show the new guy around.” 

 

“New guy?” Felix’s interests were piqued. Kimball gave him a knowing look, an almost amused look. 

 

“You know it’s against company policy to date within the workplace.” She reminded him, for what felt like the millionth time.

 

“I get it, don’t shit where you eat,” Felix said, “but, yeah, sure, I’ll show the new guy around.”

 

Felix had just gotten sat down to work when he felt his shoulder get tapped. He tried not to groan as he turned around and flashed Kimball and a tall, attractive, dark skinned man with a square jaw and large shoulders, a bright warm smile. That only got brighter on closer inspection of the man standing beside his boss. 

 

“The new employee I assume?” Felix held out his hand and the large man took it and shook. Felix’s own hand was almost lost in the stranger’s and his eyes got a little brighter when he realized.

 

“My name is Samuel Ortez,” The tall man said. “Most people call me Locus. I’ll be working alongside you in the marketing department.”

Besides for his deep, carrying, voice, Felix noticed the careful way the man spoke. Locus. He knew that word from somewhere and wasn’t convinced it was the same thing as a locust. He made a mental note to google the term later.

 

Kimball, well aware of Felix eyeing the new employee, cleared her throat. “Just show Mr. Ortez around today, Felix,” she said as if it was a warning.

 

Kimball gave one last nod to Locus before turning and walking towards her office. Felix smiled up at his new companion. “Well, I should show you around then.” He said, clapping his hands. He hoped Locus didn’t notice he was nervous. He hated being nervous around guys. It always came off as if he was way too flirty and borderline desperate. 

 

Felix was way less nervous as he did the tour, partly from becoming accustomed to the new person, and majorly because this man was the most boring, stiffest, excuse for a human being Felix had ever met.

 

“It’s like nobody ever taught him how to laugh,” Felix complained to Donut, the waiter at his favorite restaurant to go to for lunch. “How can someone so hot be so… not?”

“Well, Felix, maybe he was nervous as you were, I stiffen up around new people, too! It’s not too long before I’m all loosened up and ready to open up, though!” Donut beamed, “Just give him time.”

Felix could only wonder if his friend knew what he was saying. He decided to change the subject. “So any plans for Christmas?”

“Going to see Doc’s family,” Donut said softly. “I think he’s planning to propose on New Year’s.”

“Why do you say that?” Felix asked, picking through the rest of the food on his plate and hoping it made him sick enough to go home early.

 

“I’ve been dropping hints that I’m gonna leave him if he doesn’t man up and do it soon, and it’s stopped making him nervous,” Donut chuckled and winked. “What about you?”

“Staying drunk through New Year’s,” he said, proudly. “I’m not moving from my couch unless there’s a fire.”

“Awh, don’t you have someone special to spend the holidays with?” Donut asked. “Maybe Terrence?”

Felix shook his head. “He’s going out of town, besides, we’re not exactly on ‘spending holidays together’ sort of terms anymore,” he reminded him. Donut looked at him sadly before he was called away to another table. Felix paid and left before he could come back and start grilling him about his ex again. 

 

A week had passed since Felix had started working with the most boring hot person in the world. Locus made every little project a told drag, but at least he always got his part done. And Felix never did get tired of hearing his voice or looking at his face, so meetings were bearable if he drowned out the words and just focused on his coworker.

 

One morning while Felix nursed a hangover he was snuck up on by the surprisingly silent Locus. Felix spun around so fast his head spun and he grabbed it as if that would make the pain go away. “What the fuck!” he demanded. Locus simply pointed to the fridge.

 

“I need to get to my lunch,” the other man said. Felix took a few steps to the side and, ignoring his hangover for a moment, leaned against the counter and watched his coworker dig through the fridge. 

 

“So…” Felix started. “What’s your story?”

“I thought you didn’t like me,” the man said, sitting down with a paper bag.

 

“I can pretend to like anybody,” Felix answered swiftly, “I’m just making small talk.”

“I don’t have much of a story,” Locus replied. “I’m a college graduate, ex-military, and I come from a wealthy family.”

“Oh, so I just get the footnotes version, huh?” Felix teased.

“That’s all anyone else is ever worried abt.” 

 

“Who’d you get for the secret Santa?” Felix changed the conversation quickly. Before the silence could get awkward.

 

“I shouldn’t say.”

“Why?”

 

“Cause you’re a loudmouth and I don’t want you to go telling anyone who I got.”

“ That's not even good gossip!” Felix protested. Locus didn't say anything. “Well, I got Zach Miller, talk about a loud mouth. I’m getting him a Taylor Swift CD cause he’s always singing her songs under his breath and getting the words wrong.” Locus looked vaguely amused.

 

“And what are you hoping to get?” Locus asked. Felix shrugged.

 

“Probably not much under twenty dollars,” he admitted. “But I like soft stuff.”

Locus nodded. He finished his lunch and stood up. He didn't say another word as he walked out of the break room and Felix wondered if Locus was some sort of robot who didn't know how to act like a human being. He took a long drink of water before going back to his desk to continue to work through his painful hangover and wondering what Locus’s deal was.


End file.
